Deal with Rejection as a Singer
Out of all the challenges of pursuing singing professionally; daily practice, long rehearsals, vocal health, etc, the hardest may be dealing with rejection.
We spend so much time and money, sweat and tears, to perfect our craft and sometimes, we still will be made to feel like it isn’t enough. Let’s first be honest here and say, it sucks. Like, really really sucks. You are 100% not alone.
So let’s talk about it. There are a plethora of ways to deal with rejection and everyone handles it differently. As a disclaimer, I am NOT a therapist. If you can, I highly recommend seeking professional help to assist in dealing with the stressors of being a singer. However, I’m coming at you with over a decade of experience. Here is what I’ve learned.
Feel your feels
Don’t try to bottle up how you feel after a rejection. The feeling you are experiencing is grief, a feeling of loss, a missed opportunity. We can’t bottle that up or it takes over. Thankfully, there are a lot of ways to deal with these feelings. Find what feels best for you, there is not one right way to do it.
Talk to someone
It would be amazing if we all had access to therapy, but sometimes that isn’t an option. Remember when I mentioned that you aren’t alone? You probably have singer friends or peers that have recently, or are currently, experiencing rejection. Schedule a coffee date, zoom chat, call, or text about it. Talk it out and share your experiences.
If you don’t want to talk, write
Sometimes you just can’t say the things you are feeling out loud. That is ok! Grab a pen or open the notes out on your phone. Writing how you feel allows you to be sloppy about it. You are only writing for you, so get the thoughts and feelings out of your head, typos and grammar be damned.
Do something you’re good at
One of the most horrible side effects of rejection is feeling inadequate. Try taking time to do something that you are good at. Sometimes it means singing your favorite aria and sometimes it’s stepping outside your own singing world and practicing a non-musical skill that makes you feel capable. The important thing is choosing something that gives you confidence. While this doesn’t erase the grief, it can help to remind us that we are still good at things. A rejection does not mean you are incapable.
Ask for feedback
If you are feeling baffled by a rejection, one of the best things you can do is to ask for feedback. It can give you insight into the decision process so you can make changes to your approach, if needed. Definitely go over this feedback with a teacher or trusted person who can help you sift through the feedback that may not be applicable (say you were a little congested on the day of an audition and the judges said you sounded “dull”...you can rest easy knowing that is not a normal issue for you, just unfortunate timing). Sifting through comments takes time, but over time you will gain the skill to sift through feedback to take what is useful and leave behind what isn’t.
Not all rejections are created equal
Don’t be surprised if some rejections make you go “well, I can try again next time” and others make you want to cry in a corner. We assign weight to opportunities differently, so just because one rejection wasn’t upsetting doesn’t mean an opportunity that was important to us won’t be. And that is ok.
Hopefully you find something here useful to ease the pain of rejection. Thankfully, there are a ton of resources online about dealing with rejection. I’ve listed a few of my favorites below. In order to foster a community of compassion and support, the comments here are enabled. Share in the comments what has helped you in the past when you get one of those dreaded rejection emails. Please be respectful and compassionate to your fellow singers. The hope is to remind you aren’t alone and that you will be ok. We have all been there.
Thoughts from the internet
An interview with teenagers about dealing with rejection: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/04/learning/advice-from-teenagers-for-getting-over-rejection.html
Rejection as an Artist
https://www.artworkarchive.com/blog/want-to-know-how-to-handle-rejection-as-an-artist-lean-in
A few social media accounts to follow:
For singer encouragement
For the singer experience
For general encouragement that will make you smile
Meet the Author
Jennifer Burks is a professional voice teacher and soprano with over 17 years of formal training and degrees in Vocal Performance from the University of Arkansas and Vocal Pedagogy from New England Conservatory of Music (NEC). She is an active performer and has won prestigious vocal competitions such as the 2022 Rhode Island Civic Chorale. Beyond her studio, Jennifer is an active member of NATS, PAVA, and The Voice Foundation and is the incoming Auditions Chair of the New England Chapter of NATS. In her free time, she enjoys running, reading, sailing, and cherishing every musical moment.
